Notes from my mind


Eagle, CO

Last updated on Oct 25, 2023

Posted on Oct 25, 2023

Living in the past is living in hell. I have so much I need to let go of. Stuff that didn't happen, happened, and what I imagine happened or didn't happen. It's killing me. And I want to live for many more years. When it comes up I'm going to start talking to myself. Have a conversation about getting back to the present. Renee and the boy talk to themselves, it's worked out pretty well for them.

Gawd I love The Sphere. I was there last week. Going back next week. Renee and I are going in February. The whole experience is just so wow and a turn on. And Las Vegas has changed. Gambling seems to be a side note now. There's so much to do. Walking around looking at all the lights is like going to an art gallery. And the people are mostly in a good mood - because they're there on holiday. I dig it.

All I've been listening to lately is my U2 playlist. I love it. Makes me happy. I'll upload it to Spotify and update this post later.

The Gaza conflict feels like it's happening to me. Which I totally get is a mental disorder. I feel so bad about it all. IMO Israel with the United States' help, is committing genocide.

From Caitlin Johnstone's newsletter:
"The information interests of Israel and its western allies have been greatly served by framing this onslaught as a “war”, when that label doesn’t actually apply here. A war is when two nations or groups are in a state of armed combat with each other; one side may be more powerful than the other, but the combat is decidedly going two ways.

"That’s not what’s happening here. Israel is raining high-tech military explosives upon civilian infrastructure inside a giant concentration camp densely populated with children, and every now and then a militant in Gaza fires back a type of rocket that is essentially a glorified firework which historically hardly ever kills anyone. Israel is killing civilians by the thousands and turning entire city blocks to rubble, while Hamas and other resistance groups in Gaza are doing some light property damage in what amounts to a performative display of defiance.

"That’s not a war. That’s a massacre".


My relationship with Damien Hirst's Currency project continues to rage from extreme pleasure to madness - in my mind. I spend a lot of time trying to work it out. I just need to let it happen. I know this is therapy typed out loud but it's where I'm at right now. Writing helps my mind.

Last night I was on the Heni website looking around. It brought back so many great memories - real and imagined.

The Dots are beautiful. I don't know what it is. That something so simple could invoke such emotion in me. But they do. Those Dots are inside of me. I've always loved polka dots, going back to when I was a kid. They feel psychedelic, like there's a message in them. And then of course there's the Dots Discord, which I've also had an up and down relationship with. It's mostly up. Do I regret some of things I said? Yes. But I carry on. And I think - or imagine - that for the most part, most of the Dots (I call the people in the Discord Dots) have shined it on. After all, they are English. They'd rather just meetup at the pub, have a pint and a laugh.

I wonder where LTS is? LTS was an anon Discord member that left. It happens in the BBS world. We had good chats. Or at least I thought they were. Gawd I hope he/she/it didn't split because of me.

So I bought some Dots notebooks, bookmarks, and greeting cards. They're fun. And I like having Dots around. Maybe it's my way of making amends.

tty next time,

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